The Pat O’Brien School of Damage Control

last year, a friend of a friend met pat o’brien, former sports commentator turned access hollywood gossiper, in a bar.

pat was with his big-breasted blond girlfriend, and evidently a lot of cocaine in his pocket.

pat took a fancy to this friend of a friend and started leaving her voice mail messages. each message was more explicit and graphic than the last. in the end, pat o’brien left no room for the imagination. it was pretty clear what he wanted.

my friends mike & sujal helped this friend pull the voicemails from her phone. mp3s are pretty easy to email out to the entire world and pretty soon pat’s night out was all over the web.

if you are easily offended by triple x rated content be warned, you probably shouldn’t listen to the following audio file.

otherwise, take off your jacket, take a seat, relax, pour yourself a brandy, perhaps do an extremely large line of cocaine “pat o’brien style”….and have a listen.

a funny thing happened after this audio spread like wildfire over the internet. pat o’brien admitted he had a drinking problem and checked himself into a rehab clinic, as if to say, it wasn’t me talking on those voicemails, it was the alcohol. it was the drugs.

welcome to the pat o’brien school of damage control. funny thing is, it works. if you tune into “The Insider”, there’s pat, gossipping away again about all the personal affairs of the hollywood elite.

note to self. do something crazy. blame alcohol, enter rehab, check out, resume life again without skipping a beat.

so fast forward to today (today being recently, like the past few weeks). enter Florida politician Mark Foley. mark clearly attended the pat o’brien school of damage control. let’s review:

do something crazy. check.
blame alcohol. check.
enter rehab. pending.
resume career. pending.

so i’d like to propose that we add the word pat o’brien to the american lexicon. like google, it could be a verb, like “he pat o’brien’d his way out of it.” the gist is that he did something so insanely stupid, blamed alcohol and got a free pass. or a noun, like don’t be a pat o’brien.

anyway, if anyone is listening, or reading, who is an american lexicon decision maker, please consider my proposal. it would add to the color that makes the american vocabulary so rich and nuanced.

thanks a bunch,
peter

9 thoughts on “The Pat O’Brien School of Damage Control”

  1. I will have to admit. Pat O’Brien keeps himself in shape and looks young. That audio file is typical man talk. If you have ever been in a locker room or any school, you’ll hear guys talk like that all the time. It’s not really that shocking. I have a rapper friend who talks like that to chicks all the time. Pat O’Brien was simply using all of his flirtation skills to get a chick. Even Martin Luther King talked to Coretta Scott King in the same manner when Martin Luther King was breaking the ice with Coretta. I was surprised that Pat O’Brien, for his age, knew the lingo of today’s culture.

  2. Kalvin,that lingo may indeed be used by today’s culture, but it’s nothing new.And the difference in usage, concerning O’Brien, makes for polar opposites. In the locker room is one thing, but leaving it on a voice mail (in a drunken stupor) is another thing entirely.

  3. O’Brien is a phony just like all those entertainment “reporters.” The two don’t mix.
    You cannot say that every film, tv program, cd and dvd is worth seeing.
    He is a joke.
    If indedd he did or does have an alochol probl;em, simply going to Betty Ford or some other clinic does not provide permanent repair. Maintenance must be practiced. Going on Dr. Phil isn’t it.

  4. This is some of THE funniest sh*t I’ve ever heard!! I hope he falls offf the wagon and does it again!!

  5. pat is a hunk for his age, i’d let him do anything
    he wanted to to me…
    id love to have the soles of his big wide, wrinkly,
    sweaty, meaty, manfeet buried in my face so i could
    lick, bite, suck and eat the bottoms of his
    god like feet!
    his big meaty sexy feet need to be made love to
    every day…..
    love your feet pat!!!!!!!!

  6. Did he get his lessons in social graces from David Brinkley or has he been hanging out with P. Diddy too much? Maybe he got some pickup lines from Schwarzenegger.
    If all crude behavior required was a recognition of an alcohol and a realization that rehab was the solution, detox centers would be as plentiful as Starbuck’s.
    For him to regard himself as a “reporter” (shame on NBC too) and have that “interview” (actually it’s an overlong puff piece) with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez as something from the NBC news division. What a joke!
    He’d probably be hitting on Maria Menounos (or Maria Meknow nothing) if he were still at Access Hollywood.
    Billy Bush is just as big a joke as him!

  7. I’d like to see Pat O’Brien do a Daddy video. He could probably supplement his income with solo porn alone, considering all the daddy lovers out there. I suppose Blacks On Daddies is too much to hope for.

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